I have been on a downward spiral in the last 2-3 weeks. I haven’t been in the best mood. Usually provera makes me an angry person but this time it has just made me really dull. So dull, I have no energy to keep talking or get out of the house. I am currently waiting for my period to start while eating crap.
I was woken up with a call from a close family member (lets call her K) who thought it was okay to discuss about me behind my back and came to the conclusion that my journey is lonely and that it is going to be very depressing. It already is. She went on to telling me how the other person says it’ll only get frustrating as time goes and all of a sudden its like K feels she can relate to what I think. The truth is unless you are a part of this journey yourself, you are not going to understand what is going on in my head. She then moves on to talking about the new baby in our family and how well the mother is able to take care of things and after 30 mins of switching between their story versus how depressing my life is going to get, I had to find an excuse to escape. The problem is I’ve been very polite and considering it is family I don’t want to say things that will stay in everyones head for a long time and so I have just been choosing to lay low which apparently is not going to happen
In other news, round 2 of my clomid will start soon and all of a sudden my family members who are aware of this situation want to have a family reunion which means we have to travel for a few weeks. It is all nice but after my last round adjusting in a house with a bunch of people, struggling to do my ovulation kit I just want to stay home and it is getting hard to explain it to people. I wish I could just tell people to leave us alone. I have explained it in nice terms but I think its time I put my foot down and create a stir to get it into peoples heads. Indian overbearing families I tell you. ARGH!
Amidst all this and a lot more family drama I am trying to keep my cool, which I’m clearly not able to but I’m still hanging in there but please pray for me.