Was this all for nothing?

The first round of clomid done, somehow got by with barely any side effects and a bunch of hopes dangling around my head. I’m sitting here at the hospital while my relative is busy giving birth and thinking about all the things I’d do to get to this place, to experience the same kind of pain but I don’t even know when I’ll ever get there.

It’s hard. I’m going back home to get my tests done tomorrow, to see if this round I’ve even ovulated. I’ve taken a test every single day and didn’t notice a positive opk. Not sure if I missed it. Will know once the test is done tomorrow.

The negative opk tests have been worse than the many many negative pregnancy tests. It kills any hope of pregnancy and all you want to do is cover yourself under sheets and not want to see the world. This week has been the hardest. Trying to be happy visiting the doc for my relative while also consistently finding a place to do my opks with so many people in one house.

Three minutes inside a bathroom while there are many people waiting outside to get in and knocking is bad. The number of places where I’ve done my opk this month is insane. Everything from airports, to public restrooms and more.

Gtg for now. The world is just getting more upsetting by the minute!

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