After a month of ignoring I called my relative who’s going to have her baby anytime soon. It was difficult. I know she’s about to deliver and for the last 2-3 days I’ve called everyone around her to find out how she’s doing and secretly hoping she’s alright but I couldn’t gather the courage to talk to her and I finally did. Wasn’t the most awkward conversation but it could have been better. Well, we spoke about how fancy the hospital is and how the food still sucks but I did it.
However, the longer the conversation went and the more I heard about her baby girl and giggled with her it is hard. I sometimes wonder what baby I would have had if I didn’t have my miscarriage. Would I be a mother that goes crazy with colors like pink or blue that is gender specific? Don’t think so. Would I be the mother obsessively painting and redecorating the house before the baby comes? Would I be reading a ton of books, going for long walks, playing music to my baby? Would I get one of those machines to hear his/her heartbeat?
Either way all I can do right now is imagine. Dream of something that didn’t happen and dream of something that might happen but I just don’t know when.
In other news, I have started taking the progesterone tablets yesterday to start my period. Hopefully once I start my period and ultrasound is done the doc can give me the clomid 50mg.
Please Keep us in your prayers.