This year went by so fast. Although last year with families being involved and a lot of things happening and TTC taking less priority in comparison to other things we still had things going on and each negative pregnancy test took a little piece of me. It was more than a simple heart break and that feeling can never be put into words. This year however from February I consciously made so many changes and tried everything possible to get pregnant. Herbs, medicines, Ayurveda, eating healthier for the most part, working out and I still haven’t gotten anywhere. Multiple gynaec and RE visits later it feels like we still have no answers. I know that clomid is the next step but the last 3-4 days I have had so many nightmares. I keep thinking that maybe clomid might not work for me. I haven’t even started taking it because I’m waiting to get progesterone to start periods but in the meantime I can’t help myself from thinking about the worst. I had a panic attack yesterday, my heart was racing and all I wanted to do was talk to someone. I did talk to a cousin who understood nothing about this process and said “just be happy. Things will happen when you are happy”. Well, I don’t know how to do that anymore.
Has clomid worked for you and if it has what did you do differently along with it?
I don’t even know why I am so scared. I have tried so many things but for the longest time I have felt like Clomid will be the answer to my problems and now that we are finally here I just can’t get myself to calm down and not stress about it. I get breathless. I know I still don’t have the clomid in my hand and anything can change. I might not even get the clomid if the RE decides my body can’t handle it after the ultrasound but I am still scared. Why am I stuck to the negative stories when I can read better things? I can’t stop thinking and I can’t stop worrying about how long this is taking. I know this isn’t a competition but I’m really not liking the people around me with kids. I feel like everyone who tries talking to me is doing that to make me feel low. Such a bad feeling.