I am not sure who I am anymore. I feel like I don’t fit in. I’m not sure if it is this whole TTC thing that is getting to me. I don’t want to hangout with people anymore whether it is people who are having babies or my old friends who suddenly feel the need to judge every action. Apparently I am now the odd one out.
It was quite an emotional day today. I had to let my old friends know that I wouldn’t be able to make it. I know that they don’t understand this new me. They just think I’ve changed and it is hard for them to understand what I have been going through mentally and physically. They don’t know my journey for the last two years. How I am constantly working on my body to detox and just praying for a miracle and at this point I really do not want to be drinking or doing things that will undo all my effort. I know it is just one weekend but they think I’m crazy for choosing this lifestyle and after a heated debate and them pointing fingers at how I choose to live my life, I just decided it was best to stay home. Ah, anyways I don’t want to complain too much about people I love because I know I will regret it.
I have however reached a stage where I feel like I have almost burnt bridges with everyone who’s been close to me in the past. I no longer feel the connection. It’s easier being alone even though I hate it. Being constantly judged by my own people isn’t helping either and sometimes I feel like I’ve gotten to a point where I’m going to turn around and have no one to talk to.