I’ve done ovulation tests almost every day this month. I may have missed a day or two where I consciously just didn’t want to do it because I knew it would just add stress. I know my body isn’t working the way it is supposed to. I know that PCOS makes it hard for my body to ovulate and my body is just holding on to all the eggs but I still hoped that we’d get somewhere this time considering I had my last period without any medication.
I still have 4 days to go before my period starts and have absolutely no symptoms but I couldn’t help but test myself for pregnancy anyways knowing that I wouldn’t get a positive anyways.
Day after day, month after month it’s gotten to over three years now since I’ve started doing pregnancy tests and seeing a negative each month. I don’t even talk about it anymore. I go check, throw the test and go about my day. I remember the first 2-3 times when I had tested eagerly and still had such high hopes. I was so sure that the random symptoms were pregnancy related for sure. Now when I test my mind tells me it’s a negative and starts preparing me from getting too upset.
I know there’s no point getting upset, cause it’s only going to make it worse. However, it’s just something I’m putting myself through. Knowingly testing and setting the stage for a bad day and reasons to hit a new low.
At this point I’m just rambling, getting out all my frustration through this blog, so I can just go about my day and pretend like the world is a happy place.