Day 26 – knowing you aren’t pregnant this month either

I’ve done ovulation tests almost every day this month. I may have missed a day or two where I consciously just didn’t want to do it because I knew it would just add stress. I know my body isn’t working the way it is supposed to. I know that PCOS makes it hard for my body to ovulate and my body is just holding on to all the eggs but I still hoped that we’d get somewhere this time considering I had my last period without any medication. 

I still have 4 days to go before my period starts and have absolutely no symptoms but I couldn’t help but test myself for pregnancy anyways knowing that I wouldn’t get a positive anyways. 

Day after day, month after month it’s gotten to over three years now since I’ve started doing pregnancy tests and seeing a negative each month. I don’t even talk about it anymore. I go check, throw the test and go about my day. I remember the first 2-3 times when I had tested eagerly and still had such high hopes. I was so sure that the random symptoms were pregnancy related for sure. Now when I test my mind tells me it’s a negative and starts preparing me from getting too upset. 

I know there’s no point getting upset, cause it’s only going to make it worse. However, it’s just something I’m putting myself through. Knowingly testing and setting the stage for a bad day and reasons to hit a new low. 

At this point I’m just rambling, getting out all my frustration through this blog, so I can just go about my day and pretend like the world is a happy place. 

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2 thoughts on “Day 26 – knowing you aren’t pregnant this month either

  1. I’m in the same boat as you. It’s incredibly frustrating! My mother in law kept asking when we were going to have a baby and as much as I’ve tired to keep my issues with infertility private, for my sanity, I told her what was going on. My heart is over joyed for those who are pregnant in my life, but still super jealous. I have found that telling those who I work closely with/are in our lives day-to-day has taken a huge weight off my shoulders. Also, I switched to the Clear Blue Advanced Opk brand and LOVE them. After taking an OPK hiatus, I gained motivation after my HSG came back clear. Not only do they show your most fertile 2 days, but show when your levels begin to increase. I know on my previous tests using a generic brand I never knew when I was ‘close’ and would skip the day I probably ovulated. This is my first cycle using these. Hoping for that BFP in a couple of weeks, if not we will be looking at doing an IUI. I haven’t had the chance to read through your page to see where you are at in your journey to become a mom, but from what I have read, I know it will happen for you. Keep your head up. You’re not alone.

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