Day 23 – When all you want to say is nasty things. 

Yesterday this lady I know called me. As soon as the phone rang I knew what the question would be. I didn’t answer the call immediately. I let it go to voicemail while I gathered all my courage to control my anger and emotions and then called her back. She wanted to know about my family member having a baby and as she asked questions all I can think about is how many more people are going to call in the next few weeks to find out how these people are doing. What’s worse is when my family gets to know she’s having a baby and then start pestering me to know what’s going on with us since we’ve been married for a lot longer than them 😒 

I just really wanted to say something back but all I did was awkwardly giggle as she spoke. 

I am physically very tired. I have been tired the last 2-3 days. I don’t know if it’s because I’m missing something foodwise or if it is just my hormones. I can’t quite figure out what’s going on but yesterday was hard. We had to go for dinner with the person who’s having the baby soon and all I sat listening to was how they are going to put the baby in sports and other future plans for the baby. I really didn’t want to go and kept saying I was tired but everyone insisted and then I was in an even more awkward situation where I just had to be nice but deep down all I can think about is OPKs and clomid and all things TTC. 

When did TTC become such a bad and depressing subject? 😒 

I had to go to the doctor today as part of my recovery from a fall I had earlier this year. I feel like all I’ve done this year is go see all kinds of doctors. Feels like my body is falling apart. 

On the bright side, I went for a walk yesterday in our neighborhood. I managed jogging for 6 mins before my ankle hurt which is a significant improvement. I couldn’t even walk 30 minutes on that trail without hurting my shin. Now I can do it thrice with no issues. Atleast I am working on getting stronger. Keeping fingers crossed. Counting days to start clomid. 

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