Day 20 – still getting nowhere. 

My OPK still doesn’t show the two lines. I have two apps on my phone to track my periods and show when I might ovulate but both give me totally different dates 🙄 

Ah, pcos you are killing me. It is only getting frustrating now. If I’m not ovulating this month it means we go yet another month of having to deal with all these crazy emotions. 

It’s a weekend and I usually go for bad food but today I did cook food and am sticking to home cooked meals 😒

I feel so low today. Now that more people know about my relative being pregnant I get so many questions. All I can think about is conversations that happen behind my back. I feel awful. The more people ask me questions the more I feel low. I even got into a fight with the husband over this today. I sound like a really depressed person right now. I know it is just one of those mood swings but today I’m finding it really hard to just control the emotions. 

I hate this side of me. I go for weeks trying to stuff these feelings inside and the minute I start talking about it, I completely lose it. I want to be a mother. I know this isn’t the kind of person I should be but it hurts me so much that the only thing I want in life feels like a distant dream. I don’t even know what I should do anymore to make myself feel better. 

I have become such a bitter person. I know I shouldn’t be feeling bad seeing others around me have babies but I really don’t feel happy for them. It just reminds me of my struggle. Everyone around me has it so easy. Pregnant in their first month and this is not just one person. This is the story of every single person around me right now. Aaaaaahhhh 😭😭😭😭😭😭 

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One thought on “Day 20 – still getting nowhere. 

  1. I’m in the same exact boat (minus the PCOS diagnosis). It is the worst. Don’t think I ovulated last month and I’ve gotten all negative OPKs this month thus far. Everyone around me is having babies or pregnant and had no issues getting there either. The longing of being a mother is so strong it overpowers every other emotion and I’m having such a hard time staying positive. As much as it sucks, it’s a little comforting to know I’m not alone because at times this feels like such a lonely journey. Sending all the good vibes and thoughts your way. Hoping those two lines show up on your OPKs soon!

    Like

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