Day 11 to 14 – memories and reminders. 

Recently, I got a request on Instagram from an old friend (let’s call her S). It came with a message that said how happy she was to find me on social media and to get back in touch with me. It’s been 12 years since we’ve spoken/met. The last time we met wasn’t the most pleasant encounter either. It was pure backstabbing and betrayal. 

I thought about it long and hard after which I politely sent her a message explaining how the memories only remind me of the bad times we’ve had. I am not one to openly express what I feel about a person but this was the first time I have done that without even being drunk (lol, I haven’t had a drink in years btw) 

It made me think about my lack of self esteem back then and how I let people treat me like crap for years. How I was always compared, body shamed and made fun of. How for years I hated myself and my body. As a teenager and a young adult and all I’ve done is wish I was someone else. Never good enough to be a part of the groups I was in. 

It’s taken me years to build myself. When I look back at my pictures now it’s funny that I was all skin and bones and even then the image that I had of myself was that of being obese even though I wasn’t even 48kgs back then. I’m at a point in life where I’ve crossed 78-79kgs and even though I continue to struggle with weight issues I now no longer beat myself up the way I used to and I definitely do not want people in my life who will once again remind me of what it feels to be a shadow or someone who hates life. 

I love my life now no matter how many hardships I come across. I have a great man who I fight with a lot but one who will never ever put me down or compare me. 

Thank you God for giving me the strength to overcome so much and to keep going. 

In other news, my weekend isn’t really going the way I thought it would. I’ve been feeling healthy for the most part all week but today I seem to just keep crashing, I’ve taken plenty of sleep breaks to get back but I think it’s last nights food. 

Anyways, my stomach seems to slowly reduce and my arms although they are still jiggly feel stronger as the days go by 💪🏽

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