Day 8 – Nightmares and prayers

I really do not know what’s going on with my body right now. I won’t stop bleeding and it’s already been 6-7 days since my period started. Granted the first two days I just had spotting but that’s what makes it even more scary. 

I woke up this morning with a bad dream. I dreamt that I had a miscarriage again and I started getting so extremely worried. Back in 2013, the same thing happened. Not the dream though. I had period for over two weeks and we started calling different gynaecs to book an appointment because we weren’t sure what was going on with my body. I had regular periods and I was so young and we never even thought pregnancy could be a reason. We were newly married and still trying to figure out what was going on while trying to stay calm. Most doctors and hospitals we spoke to said it’s probably just the move and stress. We didn’t get an appointment and tried for another week to get one while I still kept bleeding. 

Finally decided to just walk in to an emergency room and two hospitals later we found out I had a miscarriage. 

Now, ever since I started spotting im really really anxious and now that it doesn’t seem to stop I’m all the more worried. I tried the pregnancy test and it still says negative though. So, I guess it is just my body having a weird period post HSG? 

I don’t know. I really don’t know what’s going on. I’m trying to stay positive and hope nothing’s bad though. Haven’t done much all day cause I keep thinking about it but I’m going to try and keep myself busy for sometime just so I don’t go crazy thinking about it. 

Also, thanks to my bad mood I threw away/donated about 10-15 pregnancy books I had 🙄 no reason. They were tucked away in my shelf but always reminding me that I’m not pregnant I guess. When a close friend was moving she gave them to me because she bought them during both her pregnancies and it was helpful learning so much and I held on to them for the last two years in hopes that I’ll need them. I know it’s good wishes but my mood was so messed up today that I just think I want to switch my head off for a bit and take a break. So much for having a great week and working so hard. 

In other news, I have a lot of relatives coming down because this close close relative is having a baby and I’m going to deal with people and spend soooo much time in the next two months. May be, even that’s what is irritating me today. Not that people are coming but just the whole pregnancy/delivery and having to care for someone so close while struggling through this. 

I’ve written this so many times but it never changes. There are days when you are positive and so full of energy that you want to do things for people. I’ve always helped people and I know I do. I still am caring for her but when I see things they shop for, the kicks, the way she walks, the big plans they have it is hard to keep smiling. I walk away and take breaks but it’s not easy. 

I also read a blog that said things you should do – breathe, eat right blah blah blah. Well, I’m doing all that. Where is my baby? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 

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3 thoughts on “Day 8 – Nightmares and prayers

  1. This pcos can mess our system so much….

    Once I had bleeding like hell that too after 5 th day it was bleeding heavily… then after consulting my doc I took pause tablet…then after 2 days it stopped…

    just see two more days and then speak to your doc…

    Like

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