I haven’t slept in WEEKS. This morning once again I woke up super early. By 4 I was tossing and turning. I find myself dreaming a lot and being mostly disturbed throughout the night. Anyways, I head to the washroom and notice I’m spotting. Now my periods are due this week but since its been so irregular I don’t even know if its just a period.
For three hours I just kept going back and forth not knowing what it is. In the last three years, with my periods being so irregular, I guess I don’t even trust my body to function the way it is supposed to. I actually started panicking, breathing heavy thinking about it. With a past experience of miscarriage I just do not want to take chances. The second reason to be worried is because I also decided to go for personal training sessions from today. If there is a slightest chance for pregnancy I don’t want to overwork my body and cause problems. Like, every single time I awkwardly stand at the counter in the supermarket trying to buy the pregnancy test along with a few random things so it doesn’t look like I just got in store for that one thing. I’ve been married for a few years but the fact that I look young despite being chubby gets me a few looks each time haha or may be its just in my head.
Anyways, since I don’t have the time to head home and then get back to the gym in time for my session I decide to use the public toilet to test my pregnancy. I’m pretty sure everyone in the bathroom was wondering what I was upto 😛 taking such a long time inside making all kinds of noises while I am doing a balancing act, trying to fidget and get the test out of my backpack, bite open the plastic on top of the box and finally manage getting the test out without dropping the hundred odd things inside my bag. Thank god for disposable toilet seat covers. Sitting inside that toilet for three minutes would have been miserable without it. Needless to say all this effort went in vain, Not pregnant it clearly said. Well, it didn’t say that but only one line showed up and that one line once again determines how the rest of my day goes.
Although I’m happy that this spotting means I might just have my period and I should get used to the fact that maybe for a change my body is just acting funny by getting a normal period I’m still bummed about not being pregnant once again.
When did we go from making out like rabbits to calculating and noting each move?
In other news, I’m sitting outside the gym before my session typing this while I sip on a healthy green smoothie. I guess I get brownie points for effort this morning. Also had cinnamon oats and a 1/2 cup of black coffee with no sugar at home.
Question : Do you’ll use OPK’s and if so which brand and where do you get it from?