She left us. Yesterday her heart stopped beating. My grandma has been a fighter. I still can’t believe she stopped fighting for her life. Each time she went in to a hospital she’d come back stronger. We were always really scared that this is it. This time I prayed. I really hoped she’d stay. I wanted her to see me get pregnant. Take care of me. Give me advice. Tell me it’ll all be okay but she left us. I spoke to my cousin who was with her the last few days. We laughed about how irritated we used to be as teenagers when she would keep asking us where we were going. Why can’t she just let us live and have some fun. Now she’s gone. Now there’s no one to ask us. No one who would be worried if we stayed out late. No one waiting to just hug us, cook and feed us. While the TTC journey and miscarriage haven’t stopped hurting me losing her is so much greater. I haven’t fully cried. I haven’t fully processed it. I feel like I’ll go home and she’ll be there at the door waiting for us. WHY? Why did you have to leave me at this time. Why couldn’t you have stayed longer?