This week my grandma has been in the hospital. If there is one person I wanted to have my baby for other than myself it would be my grandma. I wanted her to hold the first great grand child of the family. The baby of the only girl in the family. She is a strong woman. Has fought cancer and stroke and stayed on but this is all so sudden. SHe is also the only person in my family who has never spoken or pushed us to have a child unlike most Indian grandmothers. Her concerns are always different. Are we eating well, are we making use of our education, are we doing good for the world.
Yesterday we heard news that she is on the ventilator and I am numb. I don’t feel anything. I want her to stay. I am not talking to my family because I fear I’ll hear something bad. TTC journey has been hard enough on me. God, please don’t do this. Please 😦