Yet another rant.

I think I woke up on the wrong side this morning because I already feel like I’m in a bad bad mood. It also could be because of the fight the husband and I had last night. It is so silly but I think we both are in the right and its just a matter of adjustment.

I’m mad because my plan for this year was to make sure we focus on our TTC journey. Now his parents obviously haven’t received that memo yet and even though we see them very often they still choose to come stay with us for 6 weeks along with more people. Now the reason I’m angry is not just because they’ll come but also because my periods are so irregular that when I finally have them I don’t want to think about anything else but staying stress free, spending time alone with the husband, following the same diet and things with no change to my routine. I know life isn’t always in your favor and I’ve adjusted plenty of times and I understand that if it was my parents I probably wouldn’t have said anything of that but thats the difference between your mother and mother in law right. One is solely coming to take care of you with no other agenda in mind 🙂

I really hope this is the month. I tried an ovulation predictor kit this morning and the damn thing didn’t work. It said there was some error. I don’t know what the problem is may be I should try again tomorrow. I have also started noting down my BBT from today. Keeping fingers crossed.

I feel like we’ve gone past the stage of praying. Its like something I believe in so much is broken. There was a point when I rarely asked for something but when I did I felt like I had it or the situation I was in was sorted after prayers but this time I find myself bargaining and pleading and begging and this just doesn’t seem to work.

I was so positive yesterday. May be I’m just overworked. I’ve spent the last few days scrubbing toilets and floors in the house to make sure its spotless before people get here and I’m so tired I almost cried last night. I still have to mop floors and cook today.

I also spent the night obsessing and constantly watching videos and reading posts about people’s TTC journey. This is just making me more nervous. Now I’m just waiting for doctors call to confirm the next appointment to discuss the results from my blood work.

Please keep us in your prayers.

 

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2 thoughts on “Yet another rant.

  1. Addra, First I want you to know you are NOT alone. I know that sounds very cliche’ but it is true. I haven’t just been in your shoes, I AM in your shoes. It feels like you HAVE to tell everyone what you’re dealing with, even though it is incredibly intimate and personal, because you want them to understand how important it is that they respect your time. I turn down babysitting my nephews sometimes because I don’t want my 9 yo nephew to catch my partner and I having sex. We turn down social and family invites because it’s bad timing. It may seem bitchy to some but I have a standing rule that people are NOT allowed to come over to my house unannounced. They don’t know it’s because I might be baby-dancing. They just think I am a bitch who doesn’t like unexpected company. They are partly right. I mean, it IS rude to just show up unannounced or I bite yourself over to someone else’s house. Is it not? Let me tell you something – it is NOT rude of you to be selfish. It’s not even selfish really. You have priorities and TTC is priority # 1. If they can’t understand how staying in your home might inhibit your ability to do that, they’re the ones being rude. I don’t know what you or the hubby could be right or wrong about because you didn’t say exactly what the fight was about. I can guess that you’re upset that you feel forced to allow guests in your home at a time when you need not be stressed and not to have anyone invading your privacy. And he probably believes that you wouldn’t be so upset if it were your family. You can tell me if I am wrong; however, I don’t think anyone is wrong OR right. It’s the situation that is wrong. I won’t tell you what to do. For one, I don’t know the whole story, but also because I don’t like strangers telling me how to live my life (or anyone really). However, I can tell you what I would do. If my family KNEW we were TTC, then they should understand why having company would not only be inconvenient but also a huge stress, and maybe even kind of devastating. They don’t know how valuable every cycle, every egg, every CHANCE is for you, and they need to understand this is more than an inconvenience. It’s a missed chance at having a family. That’s what you’re missing out on so that they can stay with you for six weeks, maybe more than one chance depending on how it falls. And all the cleaning and preparations are just added stress to that. My family doesn’t even know we are TTC because I don’t think my private affairs are any of their business and I refuse to be forced to share my private business with others just because they want an ex

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  2. Addra, I had this awesome reply typed up and it disappeared!!! Here it is in short – no one is right, and no one is wrong. Your TTC journey is NONE of your family’s business. They don’t need to know why you don’t want them to visit. Tell them it is personal and has NOTHING to do with them. Also, if your husband disagrees with that, let him do the cleaning and preparations. (This is coming off much more rude than my original response but now I am in a hurry!) Here’s the thing, I don’t know the story as to why these people need to visit, but I don’t understand why it is more important than your most important priority. TTC is priority # 1!!! It’s NOT rude to tell people you need your space for this. This is private, and intimate! It’s why I decline social events and babysitting my nephews or hosting family because I MIGHT need to have sex with my partner. But guess what, THAT is absolutely NONE of their business. I lie and make up excuses because I’m NOT sharing my intimacies with people, especially my in-laws!!! My family doesn’t even know we are TTC because that’s not their business. I think it’s BS that you’re being forced to have guests when you don’t want them. Also, you are not alone. (Cliche’, I know, but I am right there with you.) It is not rude or selfish of you to ask for your privacy and for others to relieve you of some stress while you are going through this. If they can’t get that then they can just go away. I’m harsh, I know, but that’s just how I feel. Not your TTC journey, not your house, and NOT your place to invite yourself to my house. (BTW- this is probably why I don’t have any friends. Hahaha)

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