Tired and waiting.

I have spent my morning trying to clean the bathrooms and I seem to be making a bigger mess because of how picky I’m getting with things. Our guest room has turned into a stock room and so I spent most of the time dragging things to our room which means now everything is out in the open and its just added more work to my already long list of things to be done before guests get here tomorrow.

Anyways, last night once again was spent thinking about our TTC journey so far and how depressing its been. My close friend is in the process of getting IVF done but I seem to be meeting all the wrong docs so far. Our current doc seems to have mentioned more tests than all the previous doctors so I’m hopeful that the results even if they are bad might show us what is going on with my body and why I’m unable to conceive.

I want nothing but a baby right now and you’ve heard me say that a hundred times here already. The weekend wasn’t good. My slight depression teamed with my husband not doing so well and also me being overwhelmed by all these guests and my in laws coming to stay with us meant binge eating. I have avoided sugar in the last two months and have been working on my weightloss as well but this weekend was just bad. We ate every Indian sweet we could find and also biscuits and cookies that I never even buy were bought to cope with my stress.

Today I was just having a conversation with this friend of mine and I was telling her about how we were waiting for the call from the doc any time now to give us news about what the next steps are with the TTC journey and even if that involves medicines or IVF I feel ready. I feel ready to have my body go through things I wouldn’t normally be okay with just to hold my baby. There is nothing I want in this world more right now than a baby.

I have never been one to enjoy holding and carrying kids but now this is all I can think about. The TTC world is scary. There are a million terms that I am unable to keep track off. I keep constantly reading about new supplements or methods that worked for someone and keep wanting to experiment it all on me. Last night I had come across Pregnitude and all these success stories make me want to jump on the bandwagon but I’m just going to breathe and wait for my doc to guide me through the next steps. Got ourself the Ovulation predictor kit as well but with PCOS and my body and cycles being so irregular not sure how that will work.

Also, I can’t seem to figure out how to chart the basal body temp. I’ve watched plenty of videos and spent hours trying to read but its only leaving me more confused than I already am. When did TTC get so hard. I always thought I’d get pregnant super fast and the first year of marriage we thought we would spend time getting to know each other and then spend the second year trying to have the baby. I remember when I was a teenager one of my college seniors was really trying to conceive, crying for days on end, explaining how hard TTC really is and I would always wonder what could be so far. All you had to do was have sex a few times and boom you get pregnant. Apparently not. Years later going through this I envy women who even post videos about how they got pregnant in the very first try.

Anyone on this journey with PCOS and TTC and have a success story? Please tell me what has worked for you. Is there anything you’ve incorporated during this period. How do you track ovulation when you have irregular cycles? What is BBT? Someone please teach me the basics. I’m tired!

Just hoping for a miracle here.




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