Need to get myself together

Today I spent my day sulking and on the couch. It was very stupid wasting all this time. I woke up and was determined to get out and get things done. Got my makeup on but few minutes later I don’t even know what happened. I feel like I should blame the meds but I’m not sure it is the only reason. I decided to just stay home. My husband really tried to cheer me up and push me to go out and get some sun but I just argued and sent him off to work. I ducked calls from family and work. Couldn’t get myself to talk to people. Every time I get a call from family I feel like I will have to fake it and sound so happy. Its not like I haven’t done it before. I have. I could do it but today I just didn’t have the energy. I got a couple of more texts talking about people’s pregnancies and maternity photoshoots today. Every morning I wake up to these and I’m not even kidding. 7 pregnant women around me. All very very close. I was supposed to send some gifts over to one of my very close pregnant friends this week but I can’t even get myself to respond to her texts. Spent the day sleeping and watching shows and then sleeping again. Mostly felt drowsy through the day.

Anyways, long story short. I got nothing done. Spent the day on the couch. My mood swings are getting worse by the minute. I did however jot down a list of all the things I need to do and have made a timetable for myself for tomorrow. Starts from 6 am all the way till 5.30 pm. After which I get to be on the couch and do nothing but my plan is to try and stick to getting things done throughout the day. I have allotted a few breaks here and there including a social media time but hopefully I don’t spend too much time and get distracted. I want to get better. I want to stop obsessing about this baby thing. I know the more I stress the worse it gets. I also know this is a slow process. Doc visits and tests and medicines are going to be a part of life for a while and I should just understand that if I don’t help myself then no one around me can. I can tell myself these nice things but its been really really really hard talking to family lately knowing I’ll hear more about the pregnancies and babies.

I am praying so hard we get pregnant soon. Don’t want anything else in life right now but this. We could really use some prayers.


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