Leave me ALONE!

I wish I could say this to everyone who is texting me right now. I wake up to messages and texts with people describing their experiences about the babies first heart beat or how they just found out the babies gender or how someone just had a baby and how they are celebrating right now and if you’ve been following my journey you know I’m just here trying to frkkn get my period. Miscarriage has already done enough damage to my body. I’m slowly coming to terms with it but now that everyone who is close to me is getting pregnant it puts me in a weird spot. I genuinely don’t feel happy for anyone right now. I should be. I wish I could but all I can think about is myself. It is selfish. I know but I just want a baby. Why can’t I have it. Why is my body not letting me have a baby. I go on facebook and every group I follow is giving these tips on how to take care of your body during and after pregnancy or how someone is feeding their baby with a syringe cause the baby won’t latch on and it hurts me. I feel like its easier to shut social media out. A bunch of strangers who think I have an amazing life but its harder with people I know. Waking up to so many texts. People expecting you to respond to them. I feel like I’m going into some kind of hibernation mode. Don’t know how else to describe it. I don’t feel like talking to the family. Everyone’s happy with my cousins pregnancy and its just awkward and I don’t know how to feel anymore. I know this isn’t a race and I shouldn’t be comparing my journey with hers or anyone elses. Right now I feel like I want to be left alone. I don’t sleep. When I do I end up waking up really late and then just rushing through my day. I am trying to get some workout in but I don’t feel happy. I’m tired. The progesterone tablets aren’t helping either. My whole body is bloated. I can see my stomach sticking out and it looks Horrible. Its all good as long as I have my period and can go get more tests done to figure out what our next steps are. Please wish me luck on this journey of TTC.

I’m tired. I could really use some motivation from someone on this journey battling PCOS and TTC.

Side effects of progesterone tablets are bad right now. Moody, Bad skin and bloating. Waiting to see how much more worse it gets from here. I’ve hit rock bottom in the last two years healthwise. Lets see how much more draining this gets physically.

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