Mustering courage.

Like I’ve said in the last few posts things have been really slow at my end. I now have to travel for work and that only makes it harder. We go to all these places and have to talk to people and socialize and be kind and be cheerful and look our best while feeling at your worst. It is a competitive world. You cannot let people see who you are for the most part especially in your professional life and then there are some people who aren’t part of that world. They just know you but you still cant be yourself around them because you’ve got to put up your shield. So, this trip is exactly that. It is going to be a mix of both worlds and that makes it HARD. Currently, my body is not at its finest. I don’t feel good about myself cause none of my clothes fit. Infact I only have really old faded tshirts that still fit me and I can’t wear them. I have just the evening to find myself a bunch of tops atleast so I can look put together. The last few days I’ve gone to several stores to try on clothes and come back extremely disappointed. On one side I just want to feel good and be prepared for things. On the other side I just feel like everythings against me at this point and that I really really have to keep going hard and keep pushing myself.

Weight is such a small issue. Finding clothes is also a very small issue and it has nothing to do with how I feel but its all a part of my day. It is these small things that make or break my day right now. One nice dress, the right fit, the right hair and I feel like I have my life under control. The last time I traveled I gained about 12 pounds in two months. Although this trip is just for a week I’m starting to really get a little concerned because I know myself. I am a foodie and it makes it very very hard to keep things in check. I do walk a lot in new cities but I also tend to really indulge in food. If you know me you know how my trips pretty much revolve around finding restaurants and new cafes in the city.

I’ve lost about 8 pounds in the last two months after having gained 12 so I’m just really hoping that this time things are different and that I am able to find time and the motivation to workout while also enjoying my time there.

Lets see how it goes though. For the next few days going to try and stay positive with all that has been happening in life.



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